The Cute Things She Does (Gum)

I got some giant Costco packs of Trident gum. I've always liked Trident gum. It cleans your teeth supposedly, plus unlike some gum it doesn't lose it's flavor after an intense 3 second sugar attack that leaves you halfway to diabetes.

Since I returned from America I've been chewing my Trident gum on a fairly regular basis.

Lilly loves feeding me. So I've been letting her feed me the gum after I unwrap it. Yesterday, I forgot. I unwrapped a piece of gum and popped it in my mouth while holding Lilly. She began to wail. I didn't know what was wrong. I tried to engage her to make her stop crying, but to no avail.

She does this thing now where she points in the direction she wants me to walk (when I'm carrying her), and says, "Go." So she steered back to where the gum was. Then she grabbed the entire pack and stuffed my face with piece after piece of unwrapped trident gum. Then she was happy...

Social Media doing the Creep...

I'm starting to get creeped out by google and Facebook. Right now google is to social networks as Zune was to MP3 players. I signed up for google+ years ago, before they became all co-dependant. My account is still up, but if you asked me when the last time I checked or updated the page I couldn't tell you. I suppose every time I comment on YouTube now it might update, but I'm pretty sure back when they made it mandatory to use your google+ account to comment on youtube videos I went all Borris Grishenko on it and yanked whatever I could to disconnect as much as possible.

Facebook is a different kind of creepy... I was an original Facebooker, I opened my account back when it was still "The Facebook" and there was a creepy blue bust on the homepage (was that supposed to be Zuckerberg? I did a quick google search and I can't find a screen shot)...

Back when I first started using Facebook the only people I was friends with were my actual friends and any cute girls I happened to bump into on campus. There were no old people, no accounts parents made for their infants, and no ads. I stocked my profile with as much information as I could to try to make myself seem both intelligent and fun in case any cute girls were reverse stalking me. (Don't lie, you did this too...)

But now Facebook will not stop telling me that my profile is incomplete. It's like that time I wingmanned for my roommate to a sorority social and my date could just not take the hint that I was there out of obligation and the promise of beer.

Girl: Where did you go to high school?
Motnock: James Woods High. (I couldn't remember the name of the high school in The Breakfast Club...)

Girl: When is your birthday?
Motnock: February 31st.

Girl: What are you studying.
Motnock: The Force.
Girl: What?
Motnock: This is not the conversation you're looking for.
Girl: What?
Motnock: Damn...

But Facebook is even creepier because it knows so much about me already...

Facebook: I see you're friends with these people... do you know Amy __________.
Motnock: I do...

Facebook: You posted a picture of a movie ticket for Star Trek Into Darkness, do you also like Firefly?
Motnock: Well, that's not even hard to guess...

Facebook: Your friends Ryan and Pam both like Arrested Development, you look tired Motnock, do you need some Ambien?
Motnock: What the fu....

So, like a bad date I've begun to lie profusely to Facebook. I changed the spelling of my name, removed nearly all personal information, and I've set my religious views to Jedi. But no matter how many times I close the intrusive questions a few sessions latter it tries again, and again, and again...